This interview occurred a while ago but was never published. There were a few reasons why. First of all, both Emily and I had been been drinking, a lot, and the text was equally drunken – sloppy. Also, while she didn’t tell me I couldn’t, Emily was clearly less enthused about other people reading our interview, the next day when sobriety weighed in.

The deciding factor had to do with the content itself, and our behavior; I felt it was too sexually explicit and graphic; I was worried that it would give the wrong impression, or make the blog look more pornographic and less thoughtful; maybe the blog would get flagged and excluded from search, like it has of late.

I have changed my mind. Not only because the blog has been cancelled from search and I don’t have to worry about my content being too “mature,” but also because we all are getting to the point with sequestration, where things are starting to unravel. Many have lost their jobs, we are missing family, realizing how uncertain our income, security and careers are – three months ago I would have never imagined that in a few months my salary would be reduced, and that losing my job would be a real possibility.

This shit is starting to really suck hard, and we need some laughs; and some distraction, even if it’s a bit drunken and obnoxiously imprudent. So, I hope you will enjoy this – think of it as a break from the seriousness of this crap-test of a pandemic; you have permission to laugh at us; and, such trying times gives us all a pass to escape – even to read something more sexually explicit than we normally would.

I have discussed the situation with Emily, and with her consent and support, I present for your amusement or scorn, the following display of openness and debauchery.


Duncan: Helloooooo Emily, you pumped for this interview or what?

Emily: Well sir I am drunk for this interview or what.

Duncan: Drunk will do… I am too, I pray we can focus enough to do this.

Emily: Do what? ohhhhh this interview! Bring it we can do this. you’re a cutie aren’t you? sorry, what was the question?

Duncan: Thanks, you are sexy and your boobs are big.

Emily: Oh you thinks so do you? They are real thank you very much! can we just talk this or record or something? this typing is challenging me

Duncan: I would really rather we type as much as it sucks. otherwise I have to transcribe and the auto transcription sucks. Also, trust me, it communicates better if we type – same medium (words) as the one people will be receiving in. Long story, but if you don’t mind putting up with it, typing will turn out better, okay? Trust me?

Emily: alright, because you’re so adorable. I’ll try.

Duncan:; You keep complimenting me and calling me cute and adorable and things, you trying to get in my pants or something?

Emily: well duhhh ya think? just kidding but not really, but next question please?

Duncan: Outstanding mixed message, Trying to confuse me?

Emily: Maybe I’m trying to fuck you or maybe just fucking with you? You were saying about mixed messages?

Duncan: Nice one. My vote would be for the first option, but that’s just how I role – always go with the first options.

Emily: would u rather suck a dirty dick or taste a virgin after a lemon bath?

Duncan: Nice one again. Checkmate, not going to suck dick to avoid admitting I am full of shit. Would you rather suck a dirty dick or lick a cute 19 year old girl’s pussy?

Emily: Lick the girl, can’t do dirty.

Duncan: Have you ever licked pussy? If not, would you like to?

Emily: I have not. Maybe I would.

Duncan: Are you bisexual?

Emily: No. I might be a tinge let’s say bi-curious? I don’t know if I would actually do anything. I’d lick your pussy if you had one.

Duncan: Luckily I do.

Emily: I’m a bit dubious about that.

Duncan: Do you own anal beads?

Emily: I can’t say I do. Do you own any?

Duncan: Actually I do, LOL. BUT, let me explain. Bought them at a sex shop with an ex, and they have never been used – package has never been open. I don’t know what to do with them so they’ve sat in my junk drawer for a few years.

Emily: Can I see them?

Duncan: Okay, one sec, let me find them.

(I go get the black anal beads from my drawer, and hand them to Emily)

Emily: Oh my God you weren’t kidding. Why have you not used them?

Duncan: Well, they’re not going in my ass, and I broke up with the girl I bought them with. You want them?

Emily: Thanks but I don’t think so. How are you supposed to use them? I know where they go obviously

Duncan: I’m not sure, but I think you start at the end and push them in one at a time? And then pull them slowly out during sex – that’s my best guess, based on how I saw it done in a video from what I remember.

Emily: Interesting. Are they for men mainly do you think?

Duncan: I’m sure men use them, not what I had in mind when we got them.

Emily: So you wouldn’t try them?

Duncan: On you, for sure. On me, hell fucking no!

Emily: A little defensive are we? Maybe you do want to.

Duncan: I don’t. Good try though, it is futile to Jedi mind trick Yoda.

Emily: Whatever you say.

Duncan: Have you had anything in your ass ever?

Emily: My husband’s dick a few times (ex husband). A few fingers in me, that’s about it.

Duncan: Who’s fingers?

Emily: husband’s, a boyfriend’s before him I think.

Duncan: You think or you know?

Emily: I know you brat head. Happy now?

Duncan: Very happy, thanks. How about your own finger?

Emily: No, not my own finger.

Duncan: How about licked? Had your ass licked?

Emily: Yes. You’re loving this aren’t you?

Duncan: Yes, for sure. Who licked your ass?

Emily: Same two.

Duncan: Often? Who licked you there more?

Emily: Probably my ex husband because we were together for much longer. Maybe a close call actually. With the boyfriend it was, how can I say, we had a very passionate relationship.

Duncan: You mean sexually? Passionate meaning you had a lot of nasty, passionate sex?

Emily: Yes.

Duncan: Wow, so you did all the nasty, wild sexual stuff with the guy before your husband?

Emily: Yes, it was a very sexual relationship.

Duncan: You ever tell your husband about it?

Emily: I told him about the guy and spared him some details of course.

Duncan: What else about it? What other stuff did you do with the boyfriend that you never told husband about? Any good secrets about it that you have kept to yourself?

Emily: A few secrets.

Duncan: Cool, will you tell us? What did you do with him sexually, no judgement, let’s hear it.

Emily: Mainly just how much sex we had and where we had it. Speaking of the finger thing, he would do that usually. I kind of got used to it. When I started dating my husband and he didn’t do that it was strange because I was kind of used to it.

Duncan: Very interesting, hot! What else?

Emily: His friend joined us. I have never told another soul in the world about that.

Duncan: OMG, awesome! (we’ve struck some gold readers – you know where the tip jar is) .. so, wow, now this is interesting. So your boyfriend’s friend fucked you? at the same time? Was this a one time thing, or did it happen more than once?

Emily: It happened towards the end of our relationship, maybe six months or so before it ended. Then continued until we broke up.

Duncan: So the friend continued joining in until you broke up? Would they take turns? Were they bisexual, would they make out? so many questions.

Emily: it is hard to explain, a very strange time in my life. They were not bisexual. They did not “take turns,” but would both participate, you can use your imagination how that worked.

Duncan: My imagination sucks, can you fill in the details? You enjoyed this I’m assuming? You must have liked the friend too? Enough to let it happen again? They weren’t forcing you?

Emily: No not forced. I liked the friend. He and I started getting together sometimes, without my boyfriend. Things started getting crazy. My boyfriend never knew about that.

Duncan: Why not, why would he care if you were already hooking up, the three of you?

Emily: I think my boyfriend caught on to how attracted I was to friend, and let it all continue to make sure he had control and I didn’t leave him for the friend maybe? It didn’t work out so well anyway, like I said the friend and I started to get together and my boyfriend started to get in the way. Sounds bad I’m sure, but

Duncan: Not bad, fascinating. This is one of the most unique, fascinating situation I’ve ever heard of. Let me take a stab at this and see if I understand.. You and your boyfriend let his friend join you two, and you end up being attracted to the friend.. or, probably his friend fucked you better, was better looking, or made you cum harder? And, eventually, you just wanted the friend to fuck you and your boyfriend to get out of the way?

Emily: Sort of. I didn’t want my boyfriend out of the way, with the friend it was mostly a physical thing.

Duncan: Physical thing? Was he better looking? Better body? Bigger dick? Better technique? What was so attractive about the friend that you desired and even went behind boyfriend’s back for?

Emily: I wouldn’t say he was more cute. Yes to the rest, great body and cock, stamina and aggressive. The way he fucked me, it made me see stars.

Duncan: Wow. So he could make you orgasm hard, better than your boyfriend could?

Emily: Better than anybody could, before or since. It was only a few months and then it got weird and unsustainable. It all just kind of happened and I was a wreck emotionally, I felt dirty for the stuff the three of us were doing and felt like dirt for what was happening with friend behind my boyfriends back, so left the whole fucked up situation and literally moved here to the other side of the country.

Duncan: Wow, what a story, I’m in a daze right now, trying to comprehend this.

Emily: I know, it’s like an erotic nightmare and feels like a different life when I think about it. I can’t believe I ever got so entangled and screwed up in something like that.

Duncan: Well it sounds like it wasn’t all your fault. Your boyfriend made some fucked up choices, he should have looked out for you instead of getting you into that mess to satisfy his own fantasies. How old were you?

Emily: I was 20 when I left.

Duncan: Yea, you were a baby! Good for you though, having the wisdom and guts to leave.

Emily: Thanks. I’m no hero but I am glad I left. I still think about the sex I’m not going to lie, but the whole situation had gotten very wrong.

Duncan: What about the sex do you think about? Both of them having sex with you?

Emily: The friend. The way he would take control and just go and go. I’m tingling just thinking about it. He would just keep thrusting until I couldn’t stand it and oh my God I would come so hard.

Duncan: Nice! So the story isn’t all bad! Fast forward to today, your divorce is all done you said, you want to tell me about that? Why did you get divorced? How do you feel about it, are your scorned and traumatized?

Emily: I am okay about it, especially now that it is done and we are through with all of it. We had a lot of “irreconcilable” differences even before the “irreconcilable differences” if you get what I mean. To be honest about it, I was kind of relieved when my husband got crazy and had affairs so I had good grounds legally. It would have been hard to to argue I wanted a divorce just because I couldn’t stand the bastard and was repulsed by him.

Duncan: Wow, you disliked him that much? Why did you marry him?

Emily: He was different then. He basically grew up in poverty. He started working at “this place” when he was sixteen and became a manager at 18 and didn’t do much else but work until he was thirty and the owner gave him the opportunity to purchase the business. Until then we lived on almost nothing and saved every penny we could. When he sold his business about three years ago and had so much money and all this time on his hands to spend it, it didn’t make him a better husband let’s put it that way.

Duncan: What kind of business did he sell? was it a lot, like a huge lot of money?

Emily: He had, or rather we had seven locations of a well known franchise. I’ll tell you, but that is as much as I want to say here. He sold them all at once to an investor group for a good amount, but his “retirement” didn’t go so well for us. for me anyway.

Duncan: So he sold all these franchises, like restaurants? Convenient stores? Gas stations? Gyms? Travel agencies? And became rich after being poor and working his heart out his whole life? Then he had no work to do, and money, and went crazy making up for lost time and not knowing what to do with himself? And, fucking young women and such?

Emily: Haha, it’s a bit more complicated but close enough. Yes, one of those businesses you listed.

Duncan: Did you get a big divorce settlement?

Emily: I am okay with it.

Duncan: Enough to live on, or do you have to work? Thousands? Millions?

Emily: Millions, not tens of millions.

Duncan: Nice! that’s a good thing, right?

Emily: My lawyer is the total shit!

Duncan: I guess. So will you not be getting a job then?

Emily: Not this week. Only job I’d consider would be a blowjob.

Duncan: You want to give a blowjob?

Emily: I was making bad humor. Why, you have a job available?

Duncan: Was more hoping you were giving me a “job” offer?

Emily: So you want a blowjob you are saying?

Duncan: Ummm, not sure I was saying that, but not saying I don’t want one, necessarily.

Emily: Necessarily? So you don’t want a blowjob, do I have this right?

Duncan: This is a trick question isn’t it?

Emily: Just a question, how was it tricky?

Duncan: Fine, yes I want a blowjob.

Emily: Okay, take your cock out and I will give you one.

Duncan: Seriously?

Emily: You said you wanted one, are you serious?

Duncan: Okay, right now? Here?

Emily: Works for me.

Duncan: Okay, so I’ll take it out right now, right?

Emily: If you want me to suck it, go for it.

(I unbutton and unzip but leave my clothes on. Emily gets on her knees and gives me a blowjob. She keeps stroking until I am done cumming in her mouth. She takes it all in, before going and emptying her mouth in my sink)

Duncan: Thank you.

Emily: Sorry, that was a lot a lot of cum, I couldn’t swallow all that.

Duncan: Fuck sorry, that was awesome, thank you!

Emily: Did my best. You’re huge, wasn’t sure how to approach that.

Duncan: It was a great approach, believe me. You do that often? Sorry, perhaps a rude question.

Emily: Did it for my ex sometimes. I swear on my son’s grave I have not done that for anyone else since.

Duncan: Wow, really? Why now? Why me?

Emily: I don’t know I just felt like it.

Duncan: Well it was awesome. Did it turn you on? Did you like it at all?

Emily: Dripping! I’m not kidding, want to feel?

(Emily undoes her pants and guides my hand under her panties. She is soaking wet, my finger slides right in. Then she grabs my wrist with her other hand, to keep me in her pants. So I continue to finger her and we start kissing. I break off to return to computer to finish interview)

Duncan: Indeed you are wet!

Emily: Back to interview? Are you going to leave me like this?

Duncan: What do you want? Are you wanting me to fuck you?

Emily: God yes fuck me!

Duncan: I don’t have a condom.

Emily: It’s okay. Are you clean?

Duncan: Disease free.

Emily: Okay then do it.

Duncan: Alright, let’s see your breasts, take your clothes off.

(Emily’s breasts are huge – I watch as she removes her bra and they fall out against her chest. I am glued to them as she stands up and removes the rest of her clothes. While she steps out of her pants, I removed my clothes, and sit back down on my chair, and she comes over and straddles me, lowers down slowly. She rides for some time. I come in her)

Duncan: Do you mind if we just finish this interview? we can wrap it up if you want. You okay? How was that, did you orgasm?

Emily: Didn’t you hear me say I’m cumming? Either time? That meant I was having orgasms.

Duncan: Good point, stupid question. That’s awesome though, you had orgasms – love that.

Emily: Ha, I think I loved it more.

Duncan: You want to wrap up?

Emily: Yes, let’s just hang out for a bit.

Duncan: Okay, can you just say something to end this interview, then we’ll be done with it?

Emily: What do you want me to say?

Duncan: Something profound or entertaining. Anything.

Emily: Okay, we have to go now everybody. Sometimes you can experience mind blow sex in your forties, so keep on trucking.

Duncan: Nice. Thank you for interviewing Emily.

6 thoughts on “The Lost Emily Interview

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