A disclaimer and advice for everyone who reads this blog – especially for those of you with fewer years behind you and a larger amount of choices in front.

All evidence, and all my experiences suggest that finding someone to love for life, a spouse, is the best option for both practical purposes and for happiness. I recommend that until you find someone, you make finding them your mission.

My stories and lifestyle do not reflect a normal nor optimal situation – even doing these interviews is something those with more normal relationships and situations probably couldn’t or wouldn’t do.  I took some costly risks with my choices and career path early on, partly because I knew I was strong enough to endure whatever happened – to survive whatever was on the other side of risks that didn’t pan out.

This is not to say I knew what I was doing, or was wise. The choice to be a professional artist (first career) was not the greatest family planing. There are a couple ex girlfriends I might marry if I could go back and do it over again. I don’t expect any sympathy for it, but the quality of my parent’s marriage was an unrealistic ideal – something I was expecting and almost guaranteed never to find.

It also seemed like finding love was easy, like most everyone I wanted would love me when I was ready. Of course the landscape changes and the options become less abundant as others your age get married. But something even more significant starts to change as we close out our twenties. We begin to fill in the details and define ourselves, and the part of us left undefined – available to customize for a significant other, continues to diminish the older we get.  It gets harder fall in love and harder to merge into a combined entity, and more baggage gets accrued.

There were girlfriends who warned me they would marry someone else if I didn’t take action. A few even came around after being married for a while, looking to disrupt their boredom, but it is always too late. Once they are married, and especially once they have children, it’s too late for you. Once the time is gone, the music stops, and everyone has grabbed their seat – if you haven’t taken one, you are fucked. The game of marriage and family ends and you either find a new game, or you drink yourself to death or wither away in some other miserable fashion. Now that I am getting too old to likely find a wife young enough to have children, I’m pretty much dropping the idea of ever getting married.

So, to my point. I am lucky in that I have loving parents and had a stable upbringing. Also, I am very into my work and okay with devoting myself to study and creating. But it is hard. even with most other aspects of my life going well. If I were INCEL (involuntarily celibate), forget it, I couldn’t handle it.

I am an optimist and survivor, and the wilder moments shared with you on this blog reflect some of the ways I’ve tried to make the most of my freedom and the gambles I have lost. Life could be worse; I believe the best course is to make the most out of our possibilities – help others make the most out of theirs.

If you have any choice in the matter, if you haven’t already, find a spouse to love and make a family with. I did not, and this blog is small part of my not so boring plan B.

21 thoughts on “A disclaimer and advice for everyone who reads this blog so you do not end up on plan B like me

  1. This is a great self examination. It’s fine information fo you to share and ought to have some therapeutic value for you as well. Recognition of situations we’ve put ourselves in can often lead to changes in attitude and brighter days, hopefully closer to what you might have wished for in the first place. Maybe start with Plan B+ or Plan A- in the quest for Plan A

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  2. I married at 20 to someone I knew was a mistake 2 weeks in. I stayed 15 years. I killed myself in order to live like that. I wasn’t living. Honestly.
    Your way is different.
    It’s not better or worse.
    I respect that you wanted something.
    My mom was a professional artist who felt she had to be a professional artist and hated it. She hated living her dream and passion. But that’s other shit u can read about in my poetry. Lol
    You weren’t wrong.
    And I have seen my life lived an entire month in a week. Time is never wasted.
    You will want to be fully yourself in order to really be you.
    You didn’t sacrifice who you are
    That doesn’t make you wrong that makes everyone else not right.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Ok. We met 21 years ago online before online was a thing. Ran up a long distance bill. My dad died. My mom lost all her shit I wanted to run away. I did actually think he was the one. We thought soul mates. And two weeks in I had been going stir crazy no car or job stuck in the house. Pfft it was fucking spotless and I hated not having my own money or freedom. Anyway I was the wife it was my house and we had a roommate
        My ex is older than me by a lot so he was used to being a bachelor for years
        So I tried to make sense of the fucked up situation that was our newly wed nest and also a bachelor pad. He comes home sees things moved and loses his shit. I shut down. All the way
        Like take the batteries out I’m done.
        He says this isn’t even your house.
        This isn’t even your house.
        Ok
        So my plan was to get a job get into school and keep myself busy and just try to make the best of a fucked up situation.
        Ok yes it was our first fight. But he told me I was unwanted and my role as his wife was bullshit.
        Total and complete abandonment inside of the relationship.
        Not my house. No permission to move shit. Can’t even get the mail.
        A few years later I find out why. I won’t go into that because it’s sensitive but it effected our entire life and his ability to be a husband and father.
        So it was just basically a slippery slope of me uncovering lies and staying anyway.
        I had been raised Mormon. We’re very strict about marriage. We just aren’t supposed to divorce.
        I finally got to the point where I felt completely unsupported. I had a busy successful business we had two small children and his issue prevented him from being able to really truly be my partner in a way that was important to me
        I felt like I was doing it all
        Then 5 years later I find out he was sucking dick in the closet during our entire marriage so there’s that too
        But he was into bdsm before I even learned about it, he’s always been bi. Later I come to learn about myself. I like all those things. But he couldn’t be honest. He cheated and lied his way through the marriage. And I blamed myself for never loving him. I wanted to
        We really tried
        We grew as individuals
        But not together
        The lies just kept us too separated

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  3. Oh this is where you have it all wrong
    This is the ultimate act of self love
    I am sacred and I’m not to be touched until it’s by the right person – even if that person isn’t right for forever – I don’t believe in that anyway. See we think that you need to be having a lot of sex with people to fulfill those primal urges and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT and I identify as poly – jealous fucking cunt right now lol but poly
    I fight with my own issues from conditioning in an mono world. So I want the real. I want the pure. I want the Christ Consciousness (the real shit not the dude on the pole)
    I want the real connection that means something that is committed to growing something
    REAL
    Really really real. Common goals – things we work on – sex magick!
    I went pretty far out there this past year in a swingers group and I’d like to have some of that lifestyle again – but around someone and something solid!
    So I was FWB with someone 6 months, the first 3 was literally just sex. And then I got the feels which always makes it weird because of codependent nonsense – but I did 1000% better this time. We took things really slow – except fucking. Actually it was really all just fucking with some talking – most of the talking I don’t remember – who can remember that shit after hours! I mean – this dude didn’t cum with me for months – I thought it was me. He just was an all nighter! He did finally start cumming when we started getting close.
    We had some drama – same chick who broke us up – she was a hard limit for me but I tried to be good and work it out
    So things got too weird with the feels. I was really just a wreck plus my personal life – I’m a single mom who is a student and I was lifestyling every weekend – and Uber. LOL It was a lot!
    So I said we need to break it off. He said let’s work it out. Drama. Party. I stood up for myself. Drew a line in the sand. He did chose me that night but ultimately I felt like number 2. He and she were trying to figure it out and I was completely blindsided. He didn’t tell me how serious it was with them and knew I had feelings and knew by biggest hangup was TRANSPARANCY with play partners. Do what you want but tell a bitch
    So Bad breakup. I beg this time he says yes I call him asshole and motherfucker – burnt that bridge nicely to the ground.
    Spent the past ? 5? months trying to get over it. Dated someone a month and half who was just a weirdo. Nice dick. Couldn’t really use it. Liked to eat ass tho so I rode his face 69 most nights he came over lol
    Anyway there was NOTHING wrong with him – we actually could have been a much better match but I couldn’t get over the other one.
    I don’t leave the house any more
    Ive left my lifestyle group
    I don’t date
    Oh I had one date with a dude who grabbed my tits, which old me wouldn’t have cared – old me would have given him head in the car behind the restaurant
    BUT something inside of me has changed and I am now repulsed by most people
    to the point of like a little throwup is in my mouth-
    I want it to matter.
    So I could have just said that
    I want it to matter

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hear you, would be great if it mattered. You won’t want someone in you, in the mean time? Sorry you are repulsed, guess you got hurt. Interesting you go from group sex swinging to now nothing. I think some dick might cheer you up.

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      1. Haha it would be fun. But it isn’t what I want long run and it’s been more painful trying to find decent fwbs I could even trust. That was an entire issue the whole year. Finding people who wanted more than sex. Who wanted real solid friendship and were willing to just be real
        People lied. And didn’t have to. I only wanted honesty. Just don’t lie tell me who u play with. Let me protect myself too.
        They lie about shit they don’t have to. Who is to say they aren’t lying about STDs and Lord knows what else. I just pick really shitty people

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  4. It’s a shitshow. Picking over the leftovers lol
    I figure there have to be a few decent people who have been through some ups and downs who want something real…
    I will probably die a swamp hag
    I’m into energy work and self development and it’s a requirement to have done your own inner work. I can’t be with the sleeping again.
    Also the whole lifestyle thing. Plus I’m a deadhead and a mom and probably have a few mental health diagnosis I’ll give myself in grad school I’m sure lol
    So yeah my soul mate probably died young and came back as one of those 100 year old turtles. So I’m not seeing that motherfuker anytime soon 🤣🤣🤣🤣

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