I offer you my life’s wisdom, condensed into 19 axioms about It, for your contemplation and amusement.


1. If it feels good to do – somebody does it.

2. If they’ve been doing it and break a promise not to do it again – they’ll never stop.

3. If they accuse you of doing it, and you’ve never done it, they’re the ones doing it.

4. If you have to lie about it, you probably shouldn’t be doing it.

5. If both of you do it – you’ll do it more often.

6. The more eager you are for them to be doing it, the less they’ll want to.

7. If you resist doing it -they’ll want you to do it even more.

8. If you resist too much, they’ll find another to do it, or do it themselves.

9. If you each do it and never talk about it, then you both know the other is doing it.

10. If they say they didn’t do it, and you didn’t ask if they did, they’re doing it.

11. If a lot are doing it, and nobody’s talking about it -it’s probably really Fucking good.

12. If they tell you it’s really good, but they’re not doing it – probably really Fucking bad.

13, If doing it is bad for you, it probably feels good to do.

14, If your mother wants you to do it, how good could it feel?

15. If your mother forbids you from doing it – she hasn’t done it.

16. If your mother suggests you don’t do it – she’s tried it.

17. If your mother pretends not to know you’re doing it – she still does it.

18. If you make them stop doing it, they’ll never let you do it.

19. If doing it worked once, it will work again


 

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